Unberufen!

Translates "Let the Devil Stay Unsummoned" 

- common expression found in Sam Clemens correspondence

 

Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million.
When you wake up in the morning feeling bad and thinking yourself a pretty low down kind of a creature it is not on account of what the world thinks or the slanders of other people, but on account of some infamous deed you have committed and which nobody but yourself knows anything about.
"You wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you, if you knew how seldom they did."
A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.

-----Following the Equator
Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. It is a trait that is not known to the higher animals.

----- The Damned Human Race, "The Lowest Animal"
Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, & those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink.

- Notebook #42, 1898
when all is said and done, the one sole condition that makes spiritual happiness and preserves it is the absence of doubt.

- Mark Twain in Eruption
...the swindle of life and the treachery of a God that can create disease and misery and crime- create things that men would be condemned for creating- that men would be ashamed to create.

- quoted in Isabel Lyon's Journal, 2/2/1906
Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.

- Letter to W. D. Howells, 1899
Of all the creatures that were made, man is the most detestable. Of the entire brood he is the only one-the solitary one-that possesses malice. That is the basest of all instincts, passions, vices-the most hateful. He is the only creature that has pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Also-in all the list he is the only creature that has a nasty mind.

- Mark Twain's Autobiography
Courtship lifts a young fellow far and away above his common earthly self and by an impulse natural to those lofty regions he puts on his halo and his heavenly war paint and plays archangel as if he were born to it. He is working a deception, but is not aware of it.

- Which Was the Dream
Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more-restful.

- Speech, 3/30/1901
I don't see why a kaleidoscope shouldn't enjoy itself as much as a telescope nor a grindstone have as good a time as a whetstone, nor a barometer as good a time as a yardstick.

- unsent letter to Orion Clemens, 2/9/1879
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

- Notebook
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

- Notebook, 1898
Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant.

- Notebook, 1867
Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink, under any circumstances.

-Notebook
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).

- Notebook, 1904
The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.

Notebook
If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be- a Christian.

Notebook
When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.

- My Father Mark Twain, Clara Clemens
When my soul is sick unlimited spiritual liberty is given me by the State. Now then, it doesn't seem logical that the state shall depart from this great policy, the health of the soul, and change about and take the other position in the matter of smaller consequences- the health of the body... Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State. If I choose injudiciously, does the State die? Oh, no.

- Osteopathy speech, 1902
We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.

- Autobiography
Conformity - the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.

- Corn Pone Opinions
Grief can take care of itself, but to get full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

- Following the Equator